The lineup

The universal response when someone texts that the L train is suspended and their phone is on three percent.

lebron entering his 47th prime because he finally figured out how to use the new dining hall app

spent four years in the city and my entire personality is now just aggressively typing uyg

Simultaneously the most respectful key on the keyboard and the least respectful letter on my unofficial transcript.

Columbia students don't have seasonal depression, they just have normal depression with neogothic architecture.

Paying eighty dollars for a textbook just to pirate the fourteenth edition because the professor uses the fifteenth.

My aunt just asked what I can do with a philosophy degree and I replied by crying into the gravy.

Explaining my screenwriting major to relatives who still think cable TV is viable career training.

I told my grandpa my major is data science and now he thinks I can fix his printer.

bronze statue of lebron outside mcnally jackson reading theory on the floor like the rest of us

lebron stretching in the astor place starbucks line because his lower back gave out waiting for an iced oat latte

nothing humbles an elite education quite like realizing you still cannot spell uyg

the library at 3 am smells like cold brew and whatever the hell uyg is supposed to mean

The fastest way to signal that you witnessed a social disaster without taking on any emotional labor.

Paying seventy grand a year just to study where the Ghostbusters went to school.

Nobody loves romanticizing a walk through Morningside Heights quite like someone who has lived there for three weeks.

Running for ninety minutes straight to celebrate a single goal like you just cured disease.

The only sport where falling down and screaming in absolute agony is considered a tactical play.

People will literally stand in the freezing rain for two hours just to watch a 0-0 tie happen.

Trying to look mysterious on the L train while standing directly under a vent blowing your hair straight up.

Watching a 400-page PDF crawl out of the library basement printer at three frames per hour.

The ancient ritual of offering your student ID to the library basement printer for one single blurry syllabus.

Nothing humbles the ego quite like getting left on read by a group chat of people you live with.

The basement printer only accepts jobs submitted with profound spiritual dread.